That White Wedding
by Drew Haller and Saarah Anne Fletcher
Dis Jou Dag !
In podcast episode 12 of Air It, Dis Jou Dag, Jana Vosloo (feminist philosopher) and Nicolene Burger (artist) spend some time unpacking the implications of the ambiguous social affair that is a white wedding. Discussing gender expectations, consumerism and crushing communal pressure, Jana and Nicolene open the stage for some compelling analyses of the ceremony, questioning the disproportionate focus we place on weddings instead of marriage. “ There is still a lot that needs to be decomposed within the old realm of marriage to reflect where we are now,” says Jana Vosloo.
During the podcast, Nicolene discusses the performance piece she had showcased in response to her family’s urgency for her to get married. Upon hearing this, Stephanie Fichardt of That Eclectic resonated with the story and felt compelled to share the conversation with others. And thus, a wedding was thrown! On October 16th 2021, in a courtyard in the heart of Stellenbosch, friends gathered to celebrate a performance piece of a marital ritual.
Dressed to the nines, guests entered the venue through a lilac draped corridor and prepared themselves to see how a customary ceremony could be reworked to serve as a critical reflection but also a celebration of community and family growth. Because, that’s what it’s all about at the end of the day — growth, reflection, & safe spaces where communities can really just talk it out. Upon arriving in a cobble-stoned courtyard, they were offered a conscious welcome drink, garnished with nasturtiums from the garden: small-batch, locally produced kombucha made using ethically and sustainably grown rooibos from the Cederberg region.
The canapés that were circulated during the traditional, awkward welcome drinks were not just any canapés. They were consciously-made, vegan canapés. Brined carrots, tofu cream cheese, and homemade sourdough crostini disguised as conventional smoked salmon crostini (…and it actually tasted like them too?). Quinoa dyed to look like caviar. Carefully curated and developed by Arno Nothnagel and Jacques Olivier from Nuukie Foods, this menu was beyond impressive.
Conscious Collaboration
The wedding decorations were a conglomeration of efforts. Saarah hand-painted excerpts from the podcast that inspired this all with ink onto wax paper, which formed the basis of a hanging installation that surrounded the DJs. Woven into the dark wooden rafters were botanical installations; Izabeau and Chris Diedericks gorgeously intertwined indigenous flora to complement the high ceiling above the reception area (read: dance-floor). Down the corridor, the Air It podcast team were hosting live interviews with the guests, picking their brains on their reaction to the performance piece, as well as to weddings themselves.
Accessorised in glitter, platforms, and socks, Nicolene Burger was joined by Mandri Sutherland to stir up the answers at That White Wedding. The audience sat down to prepare for what they expected would be a sacred but grand mock performance of marriage rites. But just as quickly as the brides had captured the audience, they had drawn them into the act itself. Shouting to the crowd, Nicolene picked a shocked face and asked them what gifts they had brought to her table that day (since every holy day such as this one necessitated capital, extravagant gifts). They immediately chirped back, “A Le Creuset pot and a Clicks voucher!”.
Delighted with their expensive hypothetical gifts, the brides frantically moved on to the most important part of any celebration as expensive as a wedding: the photographs — and best believe they will be uploaded onto Facebook for all the extended family members and long-forgotten high-school friends to see. Once again, Mandri and Nicolene called into the crowd, but this time it was for their photographer. Kayleigh Murray spontaneously jumped into action with her thirty-five-millimetre film camera. From the other side of the crowd, Saarah stood up, brandishing a digital camera of her own. It was so unexpected but everyone played along so well, it might as well have been rehearsed.
The brides moved through their doting audience, making sure to sit firmly on laps, wrap arms tightly around shoulders, but always stay in the limelight themselves. They posed at the centre of attention, showing off the dresses that defined the day. Standing stiffly with perched eyebrows, freezing with wide-open smiles, then posing like statues draped over stunned audience members, the two brides swiftly made their way through the postulated ceremony.
The Brides To Be
Having effortlessly performed the part of crazed brides, the two actresses began to take on the respective postures of the stereotypical bridal party. Muttering below-the-brow critique, they emulated the stern but manipulative mother figure. Probing about the new spouse’s family, they put on the sceptical tones of their grandparents. Gravely parroting the sacred text, they imitated the self-righteous, conservative priest. Shouting slurred rhetoric in between their vows, they projected the inappropriate humour of the drunken aunt.
Audience members watched with wide eyes as the bridal party (which was made up of only two women) blundered through the messy exhibition of family wedding drama. What would normally be a procession of traditional voyeurism and ceremony became a satire of the white wedding. Guests were unnerved, laughing out loud with sore cheeks and delighted eyes, totally disarmed by the manner in which the brides betrayed every expectation to fit the mould of a demure, modest and submissive bride. All illusion was further shattered when cake was symbolically served off of Nicolene’s chakras — a clever reference to the confusing cultural ambiguity of the neo-Western adaptation of the wedding ceremony.
But the final moment of truth came when Mandri Sutherland began to fervidly cut herself out of her own wedding robes. Ripping layers of cream-coloured fabric off of her skin, the bride screamed as she clawed away at the character she had put on for the day. Terrified by the bounds of the white symbol on her back, Mandri destroyed and discarded the dress that would have transformed her from a girl to a wife.
As the guests grew quiet and the ceremony reached its denouement, the apparent falseness of the wedding ceremony revealed itself. To see such a blasphemous regurgitation of the divine ritual was disarming, maybe a little uncomfortable, but also intriguing and hilarious. Guests were congregating at the reception discussing why they had always felt compelled to be married, questioning their unchecked adoption of these familial customs. The question began to present itself: When you removed the symbols, the flowers, the figurative transferals from father to fiancé, what was left?
Why did the wedding ceremony never leave room for a frank conversation about a new couple’s emotional, everyday needs and boundaries? Why was it all so focused on outfits and aesthetics? Did these traditions genuinely reflect the multiplicity of modern love and marriage?
Without any clear answers, the guests moved on to ponder the types of marriage ceremonies practised around the world, pondering the projections of the MET’s archive of wedding artefacts plastered all over the walls. Observing pages from 50’s Women’s Magazines, the guests laughed at articles about kitchen appliances and conservative secrets of how to please a husband.
Slowly, everyone removed their dress jackets and pinchy shoes. They made their way to the dance floor inside and grooved for hours underneath wax-paper quotes that read “what underlies this craving for a public ritual and performance?” and “can marriage be reconciled with feminism?”
Reassessing Cultural Relics
A distinction must be made between the marriage and the wedding. Marriage is an ancient ceremony used to maintain bloodlines, merge assets and transfer property and unite. In contrast, the white wedding is a modern phenomenon that involves the exchange of sentimental vows and symbolic gestures of romantic love.
Brides wore white to symbolise virginity and innocence as they transcended from girlhood to womanhood, acrimoniously participating in a rite of passage that demonstrates their arrival to maturity. Today, there are different expectations and practices. And yet, ironically, the basic structural foundations of the marriage ceremony have remained the same.
Through Western imperialism and colonialism, the tradition has left a deep imprint on many societies. The routine has become so normalised internationally that the wedding ceremony has become a legitimate industry. Wedding ceremonies have grown to become public performances; lavish showcases of abundance. The ceremony is a reflection of the new couple, their style, and their taste.
Are they a curly, cursive font and delicious-monster invitation kind of couple? Is it a plated affair, or will it be a buffet? Can the guests do tequila or stick to the wines allocated to each table? Each wedding comes with a planner, caterer, baker, florist, chauffeur, dressmaker, make-up artist, hairstylist, band, photographer, priest and venue owner. But, naturally, it is simply a must-have, because it’s your special day — the happiest day of your life.
Between the magazines, the grandparents, and the overdone American rom-coms, it’s understandable why all of us have very particular conceptualisations of what it means to be married. We have internalised the ‘bridal gaze’ (a term that refers to the public and social expectations that society places on a bride). This vision is glamorised with a disproportionate focus on the the bride’s beauty.
Hours are spent photographing the bride and her bridal party putting outfits on, wearing silk robes, accessorising and laughing. We place the bride under a spotlight and on top of a cake, waiting to talk about her high heels and choice of lace. Why do we repeat this age-old tradition time and time again? Surely, with the emancipation of women, the legalisation of homosexual marriage (in most countries), and the progressively liberal resistance of permanent monogamy, we would have found a new way to interpret the ritual?
Consequently, we find ourselves with ambivalent performances that toe the line between tradition and modernity. Most women, despite whatever indifference they might have to the ceremony, will participate in it fully in the hopes of assuaging the expectations of their communities and families. What would Facebook say otherwise? The wedding ceremony is a long-standing pillar of our societies — but when last did we assess this cultural relic and really take inventory of its function and value in contemporary society?
A massive thank you to everyone involved. If you’d like to get involved in more collaborative or experimental parties, then get hold of the movers and shakers listed below:
Stephanie Fichardt throws conscious events, hoping to encourage creative interaction, critical thinking, and creative freedom. She’s also a graphic designer, celebrated DJ and artist.
Nicolene Burger is a multimedia artist that mainly works in painting and performance art. She is the co-hosts of the podcast, Air It. In her performance art, she extends the artist’s body to become a ground on which can be projected, sketched, and painted; which can be interacted with, picked up, hurt, loved, and manipulated. Get in touch to find out more or attend one of her painting workshops.
Nuukie Foods caters for small scale casual and corporate events, taking care to meet your exact needs, whether they be vegan, sugar-free, organic, or none of the above.
Chris Diedericks is a creative freelancer, events manager, decorator and botanical enthusiast, as well as a handyman. Give him a shout for literally anything you may need, even if it’s just a friend to have a beer with.
Inkwizitiv Izabeau is a creative freelancer who contributes to the events side of That Eclectic with Steph. She has a background in design, art, illustration, events, landscapes, and photography.
Kayleigh Murray is a botanist and film photographer — their Instagram bio is literally “35mm & Plants”.
Saarah Anne Fletcher took all the photographs included in this article that were not otherwise captioned. She is also a food enthusiast, DJ, writer, and talented graphic designer.
Drew Haller is a journalist, critical thinker, and editor-in-chief for Say When Zine.
